The Truth About Infertility
In light of recent events I feel that I need to be truthful with my readers. I have kept quiet about this issue for far to long because of the controversial nature of it. In our society today, infertility is already a very taboo subject. I ask that you read this with an open mind and take into consideration that God’s plan for each of our lives is different from one person to the next. God has not given the authority to us to judge one another and it is not our place to tell one another what we think God’s will is for their lives.
When a couple starts to venture down the unknown path of infertility, they are faced with many challenges and many options to conceive a child. These options include IVF, IVF with egg or sperm donor or both, surrogacy, and surrogacy with egg donor, IUI, Vaginal Insemination, and IUI or vaginal insemination with donor sperm. All of these subjects are highly controversial not to mention the emotional roller coaster that the couple will face on this path. What would you do if you were presented with one of these options? Are these options morally and biblically acceptable? Would God have any of these options as a part of His plan for your life? Would you ridicule and disown a family member because they partook of one of these procedures?
I feel that it is each couples decision which option is best for them. One option may be what God has for one couple, but not what He has for another. My fellow Christian’s it is not our place to judge someone biased upon what plan they have chosen to conceive a child. That is between them and the Lord. It is our responsibility as brothers and sisters in Christ to encourage, pray, and love that couple as they venture down this heart-wrenching path.
With this being said, Josh and I began IUI with donor sperm in 2008. In June of 2007 we were told that Josh would never be able to have children unless we did IVF. We made the decision to proceed with IUI with donor sperm because IVF was financially out of our reach. IVF’s starting costs are $15,000+ for one try and are very invasive. After lots of prayer, we felt that this was not an option God wanted us to pursue. The costs and risks were too great. I don’t know about you, but I do NOT have that type of cash sitting in my bank account to just splurge with. At the time, IUI with donor sperm was more affordable for us: still expensive, but not entirely out of our reach. Current day costs of IUI in an infertility clinic are around $2,000 not including donor sperm. Donor sperm purchased from a sperm bank can cost up $2000 for two samples, which is for one try. Which comes to a grand total of around $4,000. Expensive, but not near as expensive as IVF for one try. In December of 2008 we conceived our first child after only one try. At 10 weeks we lost our precious baby. It took us another 5 rounds of IUI with donor sperm to conceive of 2nd child and shortly after miscarried that baby as well.
Some may say that my babies resulted in miscarriages because we used donor sperm. Shame on them for thinking that God would take the precious life of a child because of the way they were conceived. We have a loving God! I firmly and wholeheartedly believe that God would not take the life of an unborn baby to punish the parents. My God does not work that way. I believe God allowed this to happen at that moment in time to lead us to Jonah. If I had never gotten pregnant and lost 2 babies my OB and a family friend never would have gave us the information for “The Birth Connection,” which in turn we would have never been blessed with Jonah. God’s plans are NEVER to harm us. They are to always give us hope and a future. God wanted us to have IUI with donor sperm so that it would eventually lead us to our son. I pray you can understand this.
Josh and I are now at a point in our lives to where we are seeking the help of a sperm donor again. This is a decision that we have made between the three of us; God, Josh, and myself. In the past when we sought out this kind of help, we were on the receiving end of a lot of ridicule from some family, friends, and fellow Christians. We as humans with a sinful nature we have a tendency of ridiculing and being judgmental of that which we do not understand or are fearful of. I see my ridiculers having a lack of knowledge in the subjects of infertility and of being closed-minded. I pray that God will soften the hearts of these people and I pray that they will never have to be faced with what we are facing.
Josh and I view donor sperm as receiving a transplant of some kind. No one thinks twice of ridiculing someone for receiving a heart, lung, bone marrow, kidney transplant and so on. Why is sperm any different? My husband is broken and needs fixing. I strongly feel God has given us the knowledge for these procedures to use for His Glory to shine through each person’s situation. One might say that donor sperm is putting someone else’s DNA in my body. Last time I checked someone receiving a heart transplant doesn’t have the same DNA as the person who donated the heart. One could also argue that the child would not be my husband’s biologically. Well, my son does not share any biological connection to my husband and I. Why is adoption OK, but not donor sperm? Donor sperm provides an infertile couple with the chance of experiencing a pregnancy from start to finish. Why would anyone ridicule another couple for desiring to experience the growth of a baby from start to finish?
After going through infertility and adoption, in my opinion, infertility is actually the easier road. Don’t get my wrong; I would NEVER EVER take back the adoption of my son in a million years! And my husband and I hope to adopt again someday after we have saved the finances for it. To have my son in my life is worth every heartache that came our way. At that point in time, that was the path God had for us. Now here in the present, our path is taking another turn. I don’t know if donor sperm will work for us this next time, but I do know that God is in the driver seat of this crazy ride. As long as we let Him lead the way, He will never steer us wrong.
When a couple starts to venture down the unknown path of infertility, they are faced with many challenges and many options to conceive a child. These options include IVF, IVF with egg or sperm donor or both, surrogacy, and surrogacy with egg donor, IUI, Vaginal Insemination, and IUI or vaginal insemination with donor sperm. All of these subjects are highly controversial not to mention the emotional roller coaster that the couple will face on this path. What would you do if you were presented with one of these options? Are these options morally and biblically acceptable? Would God have any of these options as a part of His plan for your life? Would you ridicule and disown a family member because they partook of one of these procedures?
I feel that it is each couples decision which option is best for them. One option may be what God has for one couple, but not what He has for another. My fellow Christian’s it is not our place to judge someone biased upon what plan they have chosen to conceive a child. That is between them and the Lord. It is our responsibility as brothers and sisters in Christ to encourage, pray, and love that couple as they venture down this heart-wrenching path.
With this being said, Josh and I began IUI with donor sperm in 2008. In June of 2007 we were told that Josh would never be able to have children unless we did IVF. We made the decision to proceed with IUI with donor sperm because IVF was financially out of our reach. IVF’s starting costs are $15,000+ for one try and are very invasive. After lots of prayer, we felt that this was not an option God wanted us to pursue. The costs and risks were too great. I don’t know about you, but I do NOT have that type of cash sitting in my bank account to just splurge with. At the time, IUI with donor sperm was more affordable for us: still expensive, but not entirely out of our reach. Current day costs of IUI in an infertility clinic are around $2,000 not including donor sperm. Donor sperm purchased from a sperm bank can cost up $2000 for two samples, which is for one try. Which comes to a grand total of around $4,000. Expensive, but not near as expensive as IVF for one try. In December of 2008 we conceived our first child after only one try. At 10 weeks we lost our precious baby. It took us another 5 rounds of IUI with donor sperm to conceive of 2nd child and shortly after miscarried that baby as well.
Some may say that my babies resulted in miscarriages because we used donor sperm. Shame on them for thinking that God would take the precious life of a child because of the way they were conceived. We have a loving God! I firmly and wholeheartedly believe that God would not take the life of an unborn baby to punish the parents. My God does not work that way. I believe God allowed this to happen at that moment in time to lead us to Jonah. If I had never gotten pregnant and lost 2 babies my OB and a family friend never would have gave us the information for “The Birth Connection,” which in turn we would have never been blessed with Jonah. God’s plans are NEVER to harm us. They are to always give us hope and a future. God wanted us to have IUI with donor sperm so that it would eventually lead us to our son. I pray you can understand this.
Josh and I are now at a point in our lives to where we are seeking the help of a sperm donor again. This is a decision that we have made between the three of us; God, Josh, and myself. In the past when we sought out this kind of help, we were on the receiving end of a lot of ridicule from some family, friends, and fellow Christians. We as humans with a sinful nature we have a tendency of ridiculing and being judgmental of that which we do not understand or are fearful of. I see my ridiculers having a lack of knowledge in the subjects of infertility and of being closed-minded. I pray that God will soften the hearts of these people and I pray that they will never have to be faced with what we are facing.
Josh and I view donor sperm as receiving a transplant of some kind. No one thinks twice of ridiculing someone for receiving a heart, lung, bone marrow, kidney transplant and so on. Why is sperm any different? My husband is broken and needs fixing. I strongly feel God has given us the knowledge for these procedures to use for His Glory to shine through each person’s situation. One might say that donor sperm is putting someone else’s DNA in my body. Last time I checked someone receiving a heart transplant doesn’t have the same DNA as the person who donated the heart. One could also argue that the child would not be my husband’s biologically. Well, my son does not share any biological connection to my husband and I. Why is adoption OK, but not donor sperm? Donor sperm provides an infertile couple with the chance of experiencing a pregnancy from start to finish. Why would anyone ridicule another couple for desiring to experience the growth of a baby from start to finish?
After going through infertility and adoption, in my opinion, infertility is actually the easier road. Don’t get my wrong; I would NEVER EVER take back the adoption of my son in a million years! And my husband and I hope to adopt again someday after we have saved the finances for it. To have my son in my life is worth every heartache that came our way. At that point in time, that was the path God had for us. Now here in the present, our path is taking another turn. I don’t know if donor sperm will work for us this next time, but I do know that God is in the driver seat of this crazy ride. As long as we let Him lead the way, He will never steer us wrong.
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