This is now the beginning of a new chapter to our infertility journey. All the paper work, releases of liability have been signed, and hormones have been started. I am excited and scared all at the same time. I wish I new what this next leg of the race is going to hold for us. Am I going to face many rounds unsuccessful of IUI or is this now my time? Only God knows. This could very well be my last few weeks as a mother of one child. It could mean the start of another hopeless run at trying to conceive or it could be the beginning of a long road of heartache over a lost child. My calender is now numbered, once again, according to the days of my cycle, ovulation kit is waiting on the counter, and the doctor has been notified that IUI will begin when I get my positive result. This time our procedure is a little different due to the improvement in Josh's testing. I pray that God does not allow me to have any miscarriages this time. This might sound strange, but I would rather go with out getting pregnant than to get pregnant and miscarry. It's the worse feeling physically and emotionally that I have ever faced. I pray that God will find favor in Josh, Jonah, and I and bless us with a little miracle.
I have hope that since the Lord has not removed this desire from Josh and I that He will full fill it. I do not know when. God is not bound by our timing, but I do know that if this desire is truly from Him that He will bless us with it.
I am praying fervently that whatever the out come is of this new journey, that God will give me strength and grace to walk the whole way. Weather heartache or rejoicing is set ahead, I pray that whatever it might be, that I will handle it exactly how God wants me to.
"Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you."
I have hope that since the Lord has not removed this desire from Josh and I that He will full fill it. I do not know when. God is not bound by our timing, but I do know that if this desire is truly from Him that He will bless us with it.
I am praying fervently that whatever the out come is of this new journey, that God will give me strength and grace to walk the whole way. Weather heartache or rejoicing is set ahead, I pray that whatever it might be, that I will handle it exactly how God wants me to.
"Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you."
Philippians 3:12-15
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