Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be a hard pill to swallow at times. Even though I’m in my 6^th month of pregnancy, infertility can still rear its ugly head at times. I’ve been thinking back on everything my husband and I went through on this journey; all the heartache, lost babies, things people said both positive and negative. It’s hard to not lash out at the wrongs that have been done to you. It’s hard to keep quiet when you know something was said that wasn’t true. It’s hard to not want to take revenge on those that did not show any compassion or Christ-like love when you needed it most.

I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of lies and false accusations and there’s nothing I can do to set it straight. Trying to set things straight makes it worse. My mom always tells me to sit back and eventually the truth comes out. The problem with that is that it can take FOREVER for the truth to come out especially when some deliberately continue to cover the truth in lies.

It’s taken me a long time to blog again because I’ve been very tempted to use it to take revenge on those that have hurt me. I feel God’s really been trying to work on me to forgive those people and those who don’t want my forgiveness or think they have done no wrong. I feel that the only way I can find true healing for the scares of infertility, is to take the final step and forgive all the wrongs. I’ve really been touched by Casting Crowns new song“Jesus Friend Of Sinners”. We always expect God to have mercy on us and forgive us when we wrong Him, but when others wrong us, we don’t have that same mercy on them.

All of us are also guilty of cutting others down in the name of Jesus. This is actually where I have been hurt the worst. But I am also guilty of this as well. We spend too much time judging others and trying to set others straight in what we think is right, rather than showing Christ-like love. Imagine what an impact we could make if we stopped being so judgmental and used that energy on bringing people to Christ.

I’m still in this process of trying to let it all go and forgive all the hurts/wrongs. I’m not there yet. I don’t know how to get there, but God will lead me there. Satan is really attaching me right now. As I’m trying to work on forgiving, those same people still continue to say and do hurtful things. There’s defiantly a spiritual warfare going on in my life with this forgiveness lesson, but I have to find a way to forgive and let go so I can truly heal from infertility.

Here are the lyrics from “Jesus Friend of Sinners”. I hope these words touch you like they did me.

Jesus Friend of sinners we have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to
swing
Jesus friend of sinners the truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided

Oh Jesus friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus friend of sinners break our hearts for what breaks yours

Yeah,yeah,yeah

Jesus friend of sinners the one who's writing in the sand
Make the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of thieves
Let the memory of Your mercy bring your people to their knees

Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against when we
judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and love like
You did
Oh Jesus friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus friend of sinners break our hearts for what breaks yours

You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me a grateful leper at Your feet

'Cause You are good, You are good And Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
Oh Jesus friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus friend of sinners break our hearts for what breaks Yours

And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
Yeah(hold note)
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet