Choices
Though out our lives we all make many choices. Some good and some bad. All come with many different consequences. Some may agree and some may not. What matters is how you treat a person when they have made a choice you disagree with and how you handle the choices you have made. In the last 7 years, I always thought that if I could just have a baby, infertility would no longer be a part of my life. I so desperately wanted to push that night mirror out of my life for good. God has taught me through out this process that infertility will always be a part of me regardless of me birthing a baby or not. This is the path that He has chosen for my husband and I and weather or not people agree, His glory will always shine through this.
The different paths of infertility aren't for everyone. One path may be right for one person while it may be wrong for the next. It doesn't mean that that particular path is wrong in general. It just means that it wasn't that right path for that particular person. For Josh and I, we were not willing to take the path of IVF. Not because we felt this path was morally wrong, but because it was wrong for us. We felt that, for us, it was too invasive and expensive. I didn't want to be put in the position of having to select embryos to be put inside me. I would have been the one to have said "put them all in me. I don't care if it risks my life. I will not select which of my babies gets to live". Now I know some of you out there have had to make that choice. That choice is your decision. I'm not saying it was wrong. I'm saying it was wrong for me. Those of you that have gone through IVF are so brave!
I don't ever expect everyone to agree with the choices we have made in bringing our children into our family. What I expect is for them to respect our decision and treat our children the way you treat a child if he or she came into the family as what society calls "normal". I hate calling the birthing process normal for how a family is created! Who came up with this so called "normal" idea of creating a family anyways? Family is created by a bond of love and respect NOT a DNA strand. I'm so thankful that our Savior does not follow our so called guidelines for a family. None of us would ever get to enter His kingdom if we did.
I have received a lot of ridicule over the years for how open I have been with our infertility. I am open with it because I feel the Lord has had us go through this to speak up and raise awareness about infertility. He has given us so many examples of different paths of infertility in the bible. Two examples of sperm donation are the stories of Tamer and the birth of Christ. God's seed came upon Mary and she conceived and birthed our Savior. Tamar had to use her father in law, Judah, which I would like to add the twins they conceived are in the blood line of Christ. Some examples of egg donation would be Abraham and Sarah using Haggar to conceive Ishmail, and Rachel using her handmaid to conceive a son with her husband Jacob. Granted both these women did eventually birth a child, but infertility methods were still used. Moses was adopted and Jesus was adopted by Joseph. I strongly feel if they were wrong, God would have made it clear in His word or would have made it clear to us in our decision making process in this.
If my husband's and I's roles were reversed and he was able to have children and I wasn't, I would allow him to help another couple that was not able to achieve having a child on there own. I have always considered donating my own eggs to help another women in achieving her dream. I haven't done this yet because I have been trying to conceive my own baby first. Some of you ask, why I would even do that. I would do it because I know what it's like to desperately want to have a child you can't have. I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep at night. I know what it's like to watch others easily get what you long for.
What ever choice you make with infertility, that choice that is made is between you, your spouse, and the Lord. It is a personal decision that is different for everyone. I ask those of you that do not understand infertility to be respectful of those that have to make these hard decisions. Understand that you may not agree, but you should never treat the couple or their children differently because of how their family was created. Remember that they did not choose to go through infertility. They are only trying to make good choices from a devastating situation. Shame one you to those that judge out of ignorance. I am so glad the Lord does not judge us the way we judge one another.
The different paths of infertility aren't for everyone. One path may be right for one person while it may be wrong for the next. It doesn't mean that that particular path is wrong in general. It just means that it wasn't that right path for that particular person. For Josh and I, we were not willing to take the path of IVF. Not because we felt this path was morally wrong, but because it was wrong for us. We felt that, for us, it was too invasive and expensive. I didn't want to be put in the position of having to select embryos to be put inside me. I would have been the one to have said "put them all in me. I don't care if it risks my life. I will not select which of my babies gets to live". Now I know some of you out there have had to make that choice. That choice is your decision. I'm not saying it was wrong. I'm saying it was wrong for me. Those of you that have gone through IVF are so brave!
I don't ever expect everyone to agree with the choices we have made in bringing our children into our family. What I expect is for them to respect our decision and treat our children the way you treat a child if he or she came into the family as what society calls "normal". I hate calling the birthing process normal for how a family is created! Who came up with this so called "normal" idea of creating a family anyways? Family is created by a bond of love and respect NOT a DNA strand. I'm so thankful that our Savior does not follow our so called guidelines for a family. None of us would ever get to enter His kingdom if we did.
I have received a lot of ridicule over the years for how open I have been with our infertility. I am open with it because I feel the Lord has had us go through this to speak up and raise awareness about infertility. He has given us so many examples of different paths of infertility in the bible. Two examples of sperm donation are the stories of Tamer and the birth of Christ. God's seed came upon Mary and she conceived and birthed our Savior. Tamar had to use her father in law, Judah, which I would like to add the twins they conceived are in the blood line of Christ. Some examples of egg donation would be Abraham and Sarah using Haggar to conceive Ishmail, and Rachel using her handmaid to conceive a son with her husband Jacob. Granted both these women did eventually birth a child, but infertility methods were still used. Moses was adopted and Jesus was adopted by Joseph. I strongly feel if they were wrong, God would have made it clear in His word or would have made it clear to us in our decision making process in this.
If my husband's and I's roles were reversed and he was able to have children and I wasn't, I would allow him to help another couple that was not able to achieve having a child on there own. I have always considered donating my own eggs to help another women in achieving her dream. I haven't done this yet because I have been trying to conceive my own baby first. Some of you ask, why I would even do that. I would do it because I know what it's like to desperately want to have a child you can't have. I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep at night. I know what it's like to watch others easily get what you long for.
What ever choice you make with infertility, that choice that is made is between you, your spouse, and the Lord. It is a personal decision that is different for everyone. I ask those of you that do not understand infertility to be respectful of those that have to make these hard decisions. Understand that you may not agree, but you should never treat the couple or their children differently because of how their family was created. Remember that they did not choose to go through infertility. They are only trying to make good choices from a devastating situation. Shame one you to those that judge out of ignorance. I am so glad the Lord does not judge us the way we judge one another.
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