A song for Jonah

For those that don't know, I am a pianist/singer and have been since I was a child. I went to college for 6 years for music education and vocal performance. I have had 3 vocal/piano scholarships and have been apart of several show choirs/chamber choirs and the California Baptist University Choir and Orchestra. The Lord blessed me with the privilege of singing at the "White house" for their Christmas open house in 2005 with the U.T. Tyler Patriot Singers. It was an experience that I will never forget! As you can see music is my life! After hearing the news of our infertility I gave up school and my music career to pursue having a family. As the years passed and after loosing our first baby my heart was so grieved that I stopped playing and singing. My emotions were so pained and the hurt ran so deep that it became physically painful to play or sing a single note. I know that music should be an outlet when it comes to grief, but music was my way of communicating with God. After going through so much heartache it became a daily struggle to keep my faith. Thus came the silence of my playing. Through my anger and my silence, God did not give up on me! He made my passion for my music burn so deep and rage like a fire out of control that I came to a point were I could not bare the silence anymore. I began to play again. As my fingers graced the keys, all my pain and grief bled into every note. God began to heal my heart through the words that flooded on to the page as I began to write music again.

Here is one of the songs the Lord gave me the words and notes to write. This one is not finished yet. It came to me when Jonah was in my arms laughing at me and snuggling into my arms. In everything Jonah does I hear and see the Lord telling my that he loves me and has amazing things planed for my life. Through Jonah I see God's love, mercy, grace, hope, and compassion.

Unworthy

I see you in his smile,
I feel you in his hugs,
I hear you say I love you in his laughter.

Chorus

Lord, I'm so unworthy of your grace.
Thank you for taking my pain away
and replacing it with Joy.

I did not birth you from my belly,
but I birthed you in my heart and in my prayers.
On my knees I beg for you.
God healed my broken spirit with the sound of your cry
and filled my empty arms with our precious little body.

Chorus

Lord, I'm so unworthy of your grace.
Thank you for taking my pain away
and replacing it with joy.

God made you for me and me for you.
He joined us together in love
and called us family.

Chorus

Lord, I'm so unworthy of your grace.
Thank you for taking my pain away
and replacing it with joy.

Thank you for taking my pain away
and replacing it with joy.