Why Me?

Have you ever been stuck in a moment or place for a long period of time? I have. Almost 7 years later I'm still stuck in the same place. Waiting. Hoping. Praying. Waiting for my time to be pregnant to come. For almost 7 years my life has been measured in cycles. Waiting for day 18 (ovulation) to come. Waiting for day 33 to come (possible start date of period or take pregnancy test). Starting all over with day 1. Waiting for day 18 again, waiting for day 33 again, starting all over with day 1 AGAIN!!!! 18, 33, 1, 18, 33, 1, 18, 33,1......Repeat, repeat, repeat, and repeat over and over until you drive yourself insane! UGH! Will the stop light ever turn green? Will I ever get to pass go? Once I get to the pregnancy step will I ever get to carry my baby full term? Will I get to move on to the birthing part of this journey? Or will I forever be stuck? Will I forever be waiting?

Most of the time I drive myself crazy with over analyzing every ache, craving, every wired sensation my body feels. Thinking maybe I am, maybe I'm not, please Lord let it to have hap pend this time. I'm trying really hard not to torture myself this cycle. Today I am feeling really exhausted with infertility. It's one of those days where I could just stare at the wall and scream "why me?" But in spite of my frustrations, deep down inside I know "Why it is me." God has chosen me specifically for this path so that others will see His glory. He chose me because He knew I would have the strength to endure this journey. He chose me because this is His plan that will help mold me into the beautiful creation He wants me to be. Despite my lack of faith, anger, and rebellion He will always choose this path for me. I was chosen by the hand of the almighty God to take on this trial. So now I ask, "Lord, why me and not someone more worthy of carrying out your plan in this?" I'm really afraid of messing it up.....