Waiting
WARNING!!!
This post is not for the easily embarrassed.... If you are at all embarrassed by infertility I would strongly advise you to NOT read this.
Here I am at almost 1 am and wide awake! This point in time in my cycle has to be the hardest point. Those of you who have gone through infertility can completely understand where I'm coming from. It's like running the mile run back in high school. At first you start out strong, but then by the 3rd lap you're so exhausted and worn out that you just want to give up. From deep down inside you hear this voice saying "Press on"! As you round the corner for the 4 th lap you are suddenly filled with strength that you do not know from where it came. It's just enough to get you to the finish line. My run to have a baby has been a 6 year run so far, but God gives me strength. Yes, I am once again waiting to see if this is my month, but if it's not God WILL give me the strength I need to keep running! For now I get to play the waiting game and allow my mind to mindlessly think "maybe, maybe not". I see pictures in my head of my bulging baby bump, my baby on the ultrasound machine, and then giving labor. I think about when I'd be due. I'm not sad or worried at all. I know it will happen in God's time. I'm Just REALLY anxious! Crazy enough as it sounds, these thoughts help keep me running. It keeps me focused on the prize.
Josh and I found out last week why we haven't conceived yet. I was WAY off on my ovulation. I thought I would ovulate on the same day or around the same day every month. I decided to start testing for ovulation again this month to see what in the world my body was doing. By day 21 I still did not have a positive result. Well, I freaked! With all the health issues I have had over the last few weeks I thought maybe it could have affected my fertility. I called my infertility doctor in a panic. After an agonising 20 mins of having to wait for the nurse to call back I found out that women have 2 abnormal cycles a year where they don't ovulate and not only that, but a women can ovulate starting on day 5 all the way up until the last day of her cycle. The body is soooooooooooooo complicated! It's amazing that women even conceive at all. A new life is such a miracle from God! I couldn't help, but think how smart and creative God is. After the freaking out, the next day I got my positive result. I felt like such a nerd!
Now here I am waiting, waiting, and waiting some more to see if this month is the month I have been waiting for. = D
Now, lets see if my mind will stop and let me sleep...... Goodnight!
This post is not for the easily embarrassed.... If you are at all embarrassed by infertility I would strongly advise you to NOT read this.
Here I am at almost 1 am and wide awake! This point in time in my cycle has to be the hardest point. Those of you who have gone through infertility can completely understand where I'm coming from. It's like running the mile run back in high school. At first you start out strong, but then by the 3rd lap you're so exhausted and worn out that you just want to give up. From deep down inside you hear this voice saying "Press on"! As you round the corner for the 4 th lap you are suddenly filled with strength that you do not know from where it came. It's just enough to get you to the finish line. My run to have a baby has been a 6 year run so far, but God gives me strength. Yes, I am once again waiting to see if this is my month, but if it's not God WILL give me the strength I need to keep running! For now I get to play the waiting game and allow my mind to mindlessly think "maybe, maybe not". I see pictures in my head of my bulging baby bump, my baby on the ultrasound machine, and then giving labor. I think about when I'd be due. I'm not sad or worried at all. I know it will happen in God's time. I'm Just REALLY anxious! Crazy enough as it sounds, these thoughts help keep me running. It keeps me focused on the prize.
Josh and I found out last week why we haven't conceived yet. I was WAY off on my ovulation. I thought I would ovulate on the same day or around the same day every month. I decided to start testing for ovulation again this month to see what in the world my body was doing. By day 21 I still did not have a positive result. Well, I freaked! With all the health issues I have had over the last few weeks I thought maybe it could have affected my fertility. I called my infertility doctor in a panic. After an agonising 20 mins of having to wait for the nurse to call back I found out that women have 2 abnormal cycles a year where they don't ovulate and not only that, but a women can ovulate starting on day 5 all the way up until the last day of her cycle. The body is soooooooooooooo complicated! It's amazing that women even conceive at all. A new life is such a miracle from God! I couldn't help, but think how smart and creative God is. After the freaking out, the next day I got my positive result. I felt like such a nerd!
Now here I am waiting, waiting, and waiting some more to see if this month is the month I have been waiting for. = D
Now, lets see if my mind will stop and let me sleep...... Goodnight!
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